Amerikalog.com

“I’ll tell you how bad the economy is. Listen, I was in Beverly Hills, and I saw a guy driving an American car.” –Jay Leno

“Here’s some good news. Barack Obama announced he’s bringing home troops from Iraq. That’s right. Unfortunately, he couldn’t get them direct flights home. They have a two-year layover in Afghanistan.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Actually, there were some optimistic words today from the Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, who told Congress the recession might end this year. Unfortunately, Bernanke also said Paris Hilton could get an Oscar. So I don’t know. He’s a little out of there.” -Jay Leno

“And Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal gave the Republican response to President Obama’s recent speech to Congress. But Jindal did not get good reviews. I don’t know if you saw it. I don’t want to say Jindal seemed awkward and off message, but his Secret Service code name is now Joe Biden.” -Jay Leno

“And Mayor Richard Daley said that by the year 2016, there will be a surveillance camera on every street corner in Chicago. Yeah. You know, how about putting a camera on every politician in Chicago?” -Jay Leno

“Hey, speaking of that, it is now being reported that former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich has signed a six-figure deal to write a book. See, it took him a while to sign the book deal, because, like everything else in his life, he was waiting for the highest bidder.” -Jay Leno

“No, Blagojevich said plans to write a book exposing the dark and corrupt side of politics. So, apparently, it’s an autobiography.” -Jay Leno

“Hey, some good news. The Obamas are getting a dog. Yes. The Obamas say they’re going to go with a Portuguese water dog. Doesn’t that sound like some kind of lame drink a guy would order to impress a woman? ‘Bartender, for the lady, white wine, and for me, a Portuguese water dog.’” -Jay Leno

“California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he’s going to appear in the new Sylvester Stallone movie. Schwarzenegger wants the world to know he can still act, but I think he proved that when he said, ‘I won’t raise taxes.’” -Jay Leno

“According to a new study by a Harvard Business School professor, when it comes to online pornography, 8 of the top 10 porn-consuming states voted Republican in 2008. Republicans watch more pornography than Democrats. So, apparently, while they were voting for McCain, they were fantasizing about Sarah Palin.” –Jay Leno

“The stock market is fluctuating wildly. I haven’t seen this much bouncing up and down since Clinton was in the White House.” –Craig Ferguson

“President Obama announced that he plans to bring the troops home from Iraq in 18 months. But the troops actually responded and said, ‘Thank you, but the economy’s better over here, so we’re going to stay.’” –Jimmy Fallon