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“A political organization has filmed a new TV ad thanking Sarah Palin for all she did during the presidential campaign. Yeah. I believe the political organization is called the Democratic Party.” –Jay Leno

“Sarah Palin. Remember Sarah Palin? She is adorable. She is back on the campaign trail. Really. She’s going to campaign in the Senate runoff in Georgia. As soon as she finds out where Georgia is.” –Craig Ferguson

“I guess Sarah Palin is back in Alaska, where she pardoned some turkeys for Thanksgiving. So she pardons them and then right behind her, someone kills some turkeys, and it was gruesome. I honestly haven’t seen a slaughter like that since November 4.” –David Letterman

“And down in Washington, D.C., the Capitol Hill Christmas tree arrived. And there is no surprise here. You know, they’ve got to decorate the tree. So the contract to decorate the tree, a $10 billion ornament contract, went to Halliburton.” –David Letterman

“Hillary Clinton is going to be secretary of State in the Obama Administration. Well, political insiders are now saying that Barack and Hillary actually have a good working relationship, but they don’t have a close personal relationship. No, wait a minute, that’s Hill and Bill.” –David Letterman

“In political news, it looks like Hillary Clinton accepted Barack Obama’s offer to be secretary of state. Very exciting. She accepted after Barack Obama’s vetting process could not find any link between her and Bill Clinton.” –Jay Leno

“General Motors announced that they are ending their endorsement deal with Tiger Woods. When asked why, a spokesperson for General Motors said, ‘Tiger Woods is successful, competitive, and popular. And that’s just not us.’” –Conan O’Brien

“President-elect Barack Obama gave a press conference today. He says he is united with President Bush’s administration on doing everything they can to fix the economy. When asked about it, President Bush replied, ‘Uh, what he said,’ and then went back to packing.” –Conan O’Brien

“Now, during the press conference, Obama told reporters that the economy is likely to get worse. After hearing this, John McCain said, ‘That’s funny. He didn’t mention that during the campaign.’” –Conan O’Brien

“Today Barack Obama announced his economic team. President Bush is working closely with them. Obama said his team has many obstacles to overcome, the biggest one being maybe that President Bush is working closely with them.” –Craig Ferguson