Amerikalog.com

“A New York elementary school became the first school in the country to be named after Barack Obama. Yeah, that’s very nice. Yeah, unfortunately, no one likes their team’s new nickname, the Fighting Husseins.” –Conan O’Brien

“It was reported that Sarah Palin is close to signing a book deal worth $7 million. The book could set a new record for most apostrophes [on screen: a 'cover' of Palin's book, called 'Jus' Tellin' My Story']” –Seth Meyers

“John McCain announced today that he is beginning his 2010 senatorial campaign. And I’m thinking, wow! Two more years of a John McCain campaign, hey, cut me a slice of that!” –David Letterman

“But there are some nice aspects during the transition period. For example, the Bush twins gave the Obama girls a tour of the White House. It was very sweet, but the Obama girls got really scared because they heard creepy organ music coming from Cheney’s underground lair.” –David Letterman

“And then the Bush twins grabbed a candle and took the kids on a tour of Cheney’s torture chamber.” –David Letterman

“Bill Clinton, what a stand-up guy. He went to Barack Obama and he said he will do anything to help Hillary become secretary of State. He said, “Look, I’ll remove my profile from eHarmony.com. And he’s going to place all his interns in a blind trust.” –David Letterman

“Oprah Winfrey just announced that she’s planning to attend Barack Obama’s inauguration. Oprah says she’s very excited to see Obama become the second-most powerful person in the world.” –Conan O’Brien

“It’s Vice President-elect Joe Biden’s birthday today. And Barack Obama bought him 12 cupcakes for his birthday, which is a smart gift to give Biden because when his mouth is full of cupcakes he can’t say anything stupid.” –Craig Ferguson

“President Bush has exactly two months left in office. His team is already hard at work packing his Legos for the long move back to Texas.” –Jimmy Kimmel