Amerikalog.com

“The three big domestic automakers are now saying they are working jointly on a new hybrid car. It runs on a combination of state and federal bailout money.” –Jay Leno

“Sociologists believe that nine months after election day, there could be thousands of Obama babies born, ’cause a lot of people celebrated a big victory by having sex. But, you know, they act like this is new. This is not new. In fact, you know, John McCain was a Lincoln baby.” –Jay Leno

“Once he becomes president, Barack Obama will not be allowed to use his Blackberry, or even his email anymore for, security reasons. Obama says, even if he can’t email, he still wants to be the first president to have a laptop on his desk in the Oval Office. See, Bush thought he had a laptop. Turns out it was just an Etch-a-Sketch.” –Jay Leno

“Because he’s a kind of a techno guy, the press is calling Obama the first wired president. As opposed to President Bush, who was the first wiretap president.” –Jay Leno

“Al-Qaeda released a new tape today, in which they used a racial slur directed at President-elect Barack Obama. Hey, al-Qaeda thought it was tough dealing with the U.S. military? Now they’ve got Al Sharpton coming after them, alright?” –Jay Leno

“The word is that Hillary Clinton does want the job as secretary of state. And as you know, the secretary of state serves at the pleasure of the president, to which Bill said, ‘Yeah, that will be a first.’” –Jay Leno

“And the longest-serving Republican senator, Ted Stevens of Alaska, was just convicted of seven felonies. He’s on his way to jail, lost his Senate race in a squeaker, a squeaker. Which, ironically, is what they call the new guy in prison.” –Jay Leno

“Are you excited about Hillary Clinton? It looks like she’ll be named Secretary of State. They’re talking about that. And she’ll also receive the home version of the presidency and some other wonderful prizes.” –David Letterman

“Yesterday was a nice day. Barack Obama’s daughters Malia and Sasha made their first visit to the White House. The girls were excited to see where they’ll be living, and President Bush was excited to finally have somebody to play hide-and-seek with.” –Conan O’Brien

“Today, Bill Clinton said, if it will help Hillary become secretary of state, he’d be willing to release his financial records. Yeah. Yeah, meanwhile, Hillary said, if it will help her get the job, she’ll release Bill’s testicles. They’ve been in the jar so long.” –Conan O’Brien

“This week, John McCain met with his advisers to prepare to run for reelection to the Senate. Yeah. Apparently, McCain’s new campaign slogan is, ‘Now 100 percent Sarah Palin-free.’” –Conan O’Brien