Amerikalog.com

“Everybody is kind of making up and getting back together. Senator McCain and President-elect Barack Obama met, got together and had a nice visit. And Barack Obama thanked McCain for choosing that nutty Alaskan chick. And then Barack Obama said to McCain, Hey, I’m catching up with you. I just got a second home.” –David Letterman

“The latest rumor is that Barack Obama has offered the job of secretary of state to Hillary Clinton. But that’s kind of sad, don’t you think? I mean think how close Hillary Clinton came to being the first female president of the United States. Her next job offer, oh, a secretary.” –Jay Leno

“Actually, I think Hillary Clinton would be a great secretary of state. You know, she can cackle in seven different languages.” –Jay Leno

“Today in Chicago, for the first time since the election, John McCain sat down with President-elect Barack Obama. Pretty impressive. Obama agreed to sit down and talk to McCain without any preconditions.” –Jay Leno

“When Sarah Palin heard about McCain meeting with Obama, she accused McCain of palling around with terrorists.” –Jay Leno

“Hey, Barack Obama had to give up his Blackberry. He’s the first wired president. … He might have to give his Blackberry because of security reasons. Because they’re easy to hack into. In fact, when Obama heard he might have to give it up, he said, ‘OMG! WTF?’ I mean, he couldn’t believe it.” –Jay Leno

“Barack Obama’s mother-in-law might be moving into the White House with him. See, Joe Biden was right. ‘Hostile forces will test him in the first few months.’” –Jay Leno

“Last night on ’60 Minutes,’ Barack Obama, he spoke at length about his life these days. And he said that since he won the election, he has slept in his own bed every night. Isn’t that nice? Yeah. And after hearing this, Bill Clinton said, ‘Man, this guy has a lot to learn. He’s doing it all wrong.’” –Conan O’Brien

“At a big photo op today, earlier today in Chicago, Barack Obama tried to smooth things over by meeting with his former opponent, John McCain. The two got together. Obama congratulated McCain on running a good campaign, and McCain congratulated Obama on being a stupid jerk face. He’s still mad.” –Conan O’Brien

“Everyone’s talking about the transition to the White House, and everyone’s talking about how he’s going to get a dog for his little girls. Well, Barack says he’s taking his time picking out a dog for his daughters, because he’s looking for a pet that won’t shed its hair. Yeah, that’s true. Which is the exact same reason, apparently, he picked Joe Biden.” –Conan O’Brien

“President-elect Obama is meeting every day with his transition team, or in Beltway lingo, his trannies. They are helping him pick who will be in his new government. Over 7,000 presidential appointments are up for grabs. The Obama administration is making history once again by being the only place in America that is currently hiring.” –Stephen Colbert