Amerikalog.com

“Barack and Michelle Obama are looking for a church in Washington to attend. Apparently, the Obamas ask every prospective pastor the same question: ‘Have you ever been videotaped screaming ‘God damn America!’?” –Conan O’Brien

“The Secret Service recently gave Barack Obama’s wife and daughters code names. These are the code names: Renaissance, Rosebud and Radiance. Apparently, the agent who created the names has a secret dream to get into the perfume business.” –Conan O’Brien

“Now that Barack Obama has been elected president, producers in Hollywood say they think America is now ready for a black James Bond and a black Wonder Woman. Isn’t that cool? Yeah, hell, America may even be ready for a black Michael Jackson.” –Conan O’Brien

“I guess you know, President Bush and Barack Obama had their big meeting yesterday. And to tell you the truth, they found, with all their differences, they had one thing in common: neither one of them trust the Clintons.” –Jay Leno

“And Barack Obama is being very deferential to President Bush. Obama said last week, ‘The United States can only have one president.’ To which Bush said, ‘Hey, that’s not what Cheney told me.” –Jay Leno

“After the election, Barack Obama’s family in Kenya slaughtered 4 bulls, 16 chickens and an assortment of goats out of happiness. And in Alaska, out of anger, Sarah Palin slaughtered 4 bears, 16 moose and a bunch of foxes.” –Jay Leno

“And as you know, Barney the White House dog bit a reporter last Friday. And today Rahm Emanuel bit Barney.” –Jay Leno

“Well today, President Bush defended the dog. He said, ‘Hey, I know how frustrating it is when you aren’t able to express yourself by talking.’” –Jay Leno

“And there’s a new rumor that Hillary Clinton may end up Secretary of State, which means she would have to spend the next four years traveling all around the world. To which Bill said, ‘Yes!’” –Jay Leno

“In the Senate, 90-year-old Robert Byrd will step down as Appropriations Committee chair. He’ll be replaced by Hawaiian Senator Daniel Inouye, who is 84. Finally we’re getting some young blood in there.” –Jay Leno