Amerikalog.com

“How about that Senator Barack Obama? You know what he’s doing? He’s going door to door, knocking on doors, and it’s fascinating. It’s kind of like a throw-back. I don’t know if he changed any votes, but today he came home with a big bag full of Halloween candy. How about that? But it was a little embarrassing when he rang a doorbell at two of McCain’s houses.” –David Letterman

“Ladies and gentlemen, I got an update on Vice President Dick Cheney. He was admitted to a hospital earlier today, abnormal heart rhythm. But he’s doing fine. He’s okay. He’s already sitting up, sneering at nurses. And he’ll be out shooting hunting buddies again soon.” –David Letterman

“Earlier this evening, the third presidential debate was held. And this is interesting, Hillary Clinton was sitting in the audience. Did you know that? Yeah. Yeah, in fact, when John McCain was attacking Barack Obama, you could hear Hillary yelling, ‘Get him!’” –Conan O’Brien

“Sarah Palin had her motorcade stop at a Wal-Mart so she could buy a bag of diapers. That’s true. Yeah. Palin said she wouldn’t have made the stop for diapers, but John McCain’s completely out.” –Conan O’Brien

“Josh Brolin, who plays President Bush in the new movie ‘W,’ says at first, he wasn’t sure he should take the role, because it would be such an acting challenge. That’s what he said. Brolin says he prepared for the role by getting up every day, running five miles, and then bashing himself in the head with a hammer.” –Conan O’Brien

“Hillary Clinton said on Fox News there’s no chance of her running for president again — this year.” –Jay Leno

“You know, an article in the Washington Post today said that some medical experts believe Joe Biden may have had Botox. In fact, you know how they could tell? His expression didn’t change when they asked him about his hair plugs.” –Jay Leno

“Oh, he’s not the only one, yeah. Now they’re accusing John McCain of being pumped full of formaldehyde.” –Jay Leno

“Barack Obama unveiled his economic plan this week. Obama said the one word in everybody’s mind, and that word is j-o-b-s. Immediately afterwards, President Bush accused Barack of talking in some kind of secret code.” –Jay Leno

“Barack Obama continues to lead in the polls. Barack said, today, if it wasn’t for Fox News, he might be up two or three more points in the polls. So apparently, five of the six news channel openly rooting for him isn’t enough. You gotta get that last one.” –Jay Leno