Amerikalog.com

“According to rumors, John McCain and Barack Obama are trying to get Angelina Jolie’s endorsement for the campaign, and John Edwards is just trying to get her number.” –Craig Ferguson
“It turns out the Chinese faked part of the opening ceremonies. They made the fireworks look more lively. It’s the same technology they use for John McCain.” –Craig Ferguson
“John Edwards, presidential aspirant and author of the famed claim that there are two Americas, was apparently only faithful to his wife in one of them. Apparently he didn’t realize that the National Enquirer had reporters stationed in the other America, where he was, in fact, banging his videographer.” –Jon Stewart
“I thought this was nice, at one point during the (Olympic) ceremony tonight they had 56 children march in, all belonging to John Edwards.” –Jay Leno
“While after vigorously denying reports of his extramarital affair, and calling the story ridiculous, untrue and tabloid trash, John Edwards today admitted he had an affair. And the National Enquirer was the only publication writing about it, the National Enquirer was the first to break it, turns out it was true. You know what this means? Elvis is alive! Bigfoot is real! Aliens are here! It’s all true!” –Jay Leno
“I guess Edwards apparently met this woman at a New York City bar in 2006, and he is a pretty smooth operator. … You hear his opening line to the woman? ‘So, uh, which America are you from?’” –Jay Leno
“No, he actually said today about the other woman, he doesn’t love her. Oh that’s smart, now you’ve got two women mad at you. Great, way to go.” –Jay Leno
“You know what … it turns out she was his campaign videographer. Yeah, there you go. Think there’ll be a sex tape coming soon, huh?” –Jay Leno
“Well, Democrats are furious, they’re going on record now saying John Edwards will not be allowed to speak at the convention because of this affair. Yeah, instead speaking in his place: Bill Clinton. You have to put your foot down.” –Jay Leno
“In fact, when John McCain heard about the John Edwards affair, he said ‘Well, thank God I can’t get an erection anymore, whew.’ Some problems just take care of themselves.” –Jay Leno