Amerikalog.com

“The President of Mexico, Vicente Fox, is here in the United States for four days. Yea, that’s how it starts. Four days, then four weeks and then four months. … Actually when he arrived, he was greeted in the traditional manner. He was immediately offered a job at Wal-Mart.” –Jay Leno
“We are very proud here in California. Highest gas prices in the nation are in San Diego at an average of $3.40 a gallon. This is especially tough on illegal immigrants. Do you know how hard it is to hide in the trunk of a hybrid car?” –Jay Leno
“There’s a movement in Arizona now to turn voting there into a lottery. This is real. The way it would work is that after every election, one voter would win a million dollars. So basically, you’d vote a Democrat and end up a Republican.” –Jay Leno
“At the end of last night’s ‘American Idol,’ Ryan Seacrest announced that more than 63 million votes were cast, which is more than any president in U.S. history has ever received. … In a related story, this morning Hillary Clinton bought a karaoke machine.” –Conan O’Brien
“First Lady Laura Bush flew from Washington to New York and instead of flying Air Force One, she took the Delta Shuttle. The first lady said she did this because unlike Air Force One, commercial airlines are cheaper, they waste less gas, and she doesn’t get stuck sitting next to a dumb guy.” –Conan O’Brien
“As you may have heard, Louisiana Congressman William Jefferson was caught on tape taking a $100,000 bribe and then the FBI found $90,000 in cash in his freezer. Jefferson said he didn’t do anything wrong. He said he just fell in with the wrong crowd. You know, other congressmen.” –Jay Leno
“Hillary Clinton called for Americans to save gas by returning to the 55 mile per hour speed limit. … I’m not going to believe she’s serious about saving gas until I see her and Bill actually drive somewhere together in the same car.” –Jay Leno